Giving God the Power and taking it away from Man

Add caption

Ever feel like you are a useless loser? That no matter how hard you try your life is a joke? Ever feel like the opinions of others have defined you? Molded you? Created you? yeah me too.. and that is SO wrong. We, as Christians know who created us, who wants to mold us, whose very being should define us. And yet so often we allow the world to interfere. 

I know I do.. it's hard not to. We are humans, we were born into families and societies and we want those families and societies to love us. To respect us, so we conform to their images. Not a horrid aspect if you come from a loving Christian family, but even there you have to deal with disappointed parents, family members. People who just "know" what is best for you. Even when you know what path you should be taking. When you feel God's call from the deepest part of your soul.. yet often we still listen to the chatter around us. Why? Well we want to be loved. We want to be accepted.. 

Standing for God can be hard, it shouldn't be. It should be a joyous statement. A powerful freedom.. but pressure, peer, family, societal.. sucks.. and yes often I succumb. 

The worst thing is when I finally stand up for my beliefs and I wonder.. am I doing this for me or for God? Am I writing this very blog because I want acknowledgement or because I need to serve God? Do I want validation so desperately that I will even use my faith, as a launching pad? Doubt.. what a demon doubt can be. How does one escape it? 

Honestly there is only one way, a way I am ever so neglectful of, and that way is to constantly be in communication with God. Spend time with your God.. spend time with the scriptures.. Even when you doubt, even when you question.. the positive reinforcements can only help. Instead of putting constant filth into your brain put some God Power in there. My grandma used to have a saying, well she had several, but one that comes to mind now is "Your mind is like a computer, Garbage in, Garbage out" what did that mean? Well if we only feed our minds negative information only negative information will come out. If that is true then it stands to reason, if we put positive messages in, God's message in, then God's message will come out. 

The most important thing to remember is that serving man gets you nowhere.. Oh sure we should serve.. but serve God.. We can serve God by serving our country, as soldiers  politicians, mail carriers (trying to think of all the gov't jobs) but when we do these things to serve God, not man there is so much more to it.. When we do it to serve man.. well man benefits sure but where is your heart? Man can not save you God can.. and will

That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

1 Corinthians 2:5

King James Version (KJV)

When to Worship

So I was reading my daily Bible verse that I get in my email 

John 4:23

King James Version (KJV)

But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him.

and it got me thinking.

When is the right time to worship God?? Is there a right time? 

Of course there is.. it's always the right time. Think about it. You are out on a gorgeous sunny day, just driving along.. all around you, you see God's creations.. Those amazing acts of God.. so yeah perfect time to worship..

Or wait, it is a dark and stormy night. The thunder is rolling the lightening is zapping across the sky.. Windows are rattling and God's power is displayed in your summer storm. How can we not take the time to Worship God's awesomeness?

You have a five minute break at work, things have been really hectic but finally a moment of peace.. wow.. you have a job and a few minutes peace.. yep, it's time to Worship God.

Your kid aced a test, made the winning goal.. or my favorite reason to celebrate.. you woke up today!! It's time to worship!! 

Shauni

And God Said Write

My life hasn't always been easy, in fact it has been down right difficult. But most of that is on me. Honestly, some of the choices I have made have been down right pathetic. And yet for the most part I don't regret those choices because they brought me here.. to this point right now. A place where I am finally listening..

Years ago, when my marriage was at it's worst. When It was all but over. I remember being down in the basement sobbing.. I literally slid down the washer to sit on the floor. I was crying out to God.. why my.. blah blah blah.. what can I do to change this and in response.. God said "WRITE".. Later when I would go to church and sit in the sanctuary, before service and spend some quiet time to myself.. preparing myself for service I would ask God what He wanted of me and I would hear a voice.. yep you guessed it God said "WRITE". When the pastor would be giving his sermon, I would hear it with two parts of my brain, one the lesson being taught and one the words I could write from it.. yep God was still speaking to me. When my life was at what I thought was it's lowest... when I contemplated suicide.. I begged God for an outlet and God said.. you guessed it "WRITE" 

There was not vagueness about this. I honestly swear I heard the voice of God telling me to write.. So what did I do? Well, I didn't write anything that's for sure. That would have made sense. I was like the man in the old joke.. There was a flood and he was sitting on his rooftop.. a man in a rowboat came by and asked if he needed help.. the man said "no, God will save me".. Later another man came by this time in a power boat and asked if he needed help and the man replied "no, God will save me". Finally a man came by in a helicopter and asked if he needed help and once again the man said.."no, God will save me". Needless to say he died, when he went to heaven he spoke with God.. He said "I had faith I believed in you and yet you didn't save me, why not?" And God said "I sent you a row boat, a power boat and a helicopter what more did you want?" That my friends was me.. 

God has given me the talent to be fulfilled. To serve Him by sharing His gift. I have always known that I have a skill for writing. There are always stories bouncing around in my head. My world is a truly unique place.. of course reality always manages to come crashing in.. but still.. why do those worlds remain in my head? Why do I refuse to sit still and let them escape? Who knows? Fear maybe? Laziness? Fear?.. lol.. yeah good old fear..

But my time has come.. God has said WRITE long enough.. the words dance on my tongue and demand to escape.. I may not be as talented as I thought but that doesn't matter.. God said WRITE and finally I am listening..

Shauni

Serving God by Loosing Weight!!

Yep that is me at 50 that is so not going to be me at 51! I woke up today (it has been a long time coming) and decided enough was enough! I can not take looking like this, feeling like this, living like this. Life HAS to change.. 

I need to loose about 175lbs and that is just scary.. Fortunately for me the only weight related health issues I have are bad knees and those come from years of sports and teenage injuries but the weight totally jacks up the pain..

The thing that amazes me is I made this plan today.. I finally set a serious forseeable goal.. then I went on facebook and one of my friends post this verse

Colossians 3:23-24

New International Version (NIV)

²³ Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, ²⁴ since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Is that perfect or what? It's nice to know that I can serve God by loosing weight!


Shauni

Happy Easter

Supplication or Demand

So after yesterday's melt down and total life collapse.. I did what I usually do.. I asked God for help.. But this time I said the words I had held forever in my heart.

Are you really there? and why am I not good enough, even for You? 

It was an intense moment. A question of my very faith. I have always and I mean always believed in God.. and to hear myself utter the unbelievable question, Are You real, astounded me. And yet, they have echoed in my heart for many years. 

There are times when I feel like I am just talking to air.. and yet whenever I really look back over my life, I see that God was indeed there.. protecting me from the more serious consequences of my incredibly stupid bad choices. But I wonder, why do my miracles always come in the invisible manner.. by that I mean become obvious only after the fact? Just once couldn't I have this grand moment? 

It'd hard to say the envy in my heart.. for those who live day by day in God's love.. with a spouse that loves and admires them. With a roof over their heads and a family around them. With friends.. while I sit here day after day alone.. Deeply and extremely alone. Of all the commandments I break.. coveting has to be my absolute worst.. I have this deep seeded need for family.. one that truly and completely loves me. And yet, I just can't get it... I have to wonder why not? What is wrong with me? 

Is it because I walk the fence between Christianity and secularity? I can not fathom living a wild life and I stumble constantly at living a Christ like one.. What is wrong with me? How can I fix this? Don't know if I can.. Although, I can put myself in God's hands and stop trying to be the one who does all the work... That is hard.. let go and let God.. how do people do that? 

I fear so very deeply.. it invades my dreams and yet when the darkness comes and my dreams are at their worst.. I find myself singing hymns.. Yep in my subconscious I know to put my life in God's hands.. hmmmm wonder if it is my subconscious at all.

So once again.. I find myself totally lost.. alone in the wilderness and having to stop demanding and start supplicating.. 

Shauni

Head in the Sand Faith

Sometimes it feels like I am practicing head in the sand faith.. You know, just hide your head in the sand and God will take away everything. Yeah.. That's not what faith is about. 

First off, I don't want to practice my faith, I want to LIVE it. I fail, every single solitary day. Honestly, I don't even practice, let alone live it. I hide it in the sand!!

Life is going along ok, then starts getting rocky, then starts getting bad.. Then I start hiding all my problems in the sand.. I ignore them.. Then I get desperate and what do I do? Yep, you got it.. I call on God.. 

Then I walk this stupid line of guilt and need. I haven't been faithful to God, I haven't lived my life to His glory. I have totally messed it up. Then when it gets so bad I can't fix it.. what do I do? I call out to God for help. Then I feel guilty, why? Because I have not honored my previous promises.. Yet God ALWAYS honors His.

I am so lost.. I would like to say I am confused.. baffled, bemused and confused.. but that isn't the case! I close my eyes to my bad choices then let God bail me out.. I live in fear, constantly. I need to break this cycle. I need to stop being the prodigal child and start being the child that stands by her Father. Be there first!

I think I started on that goal today. I think I am working towards a proper faith. Today, this is my goal.. yet I fear that tomorrow I will once again fail.

Shauni