Prodigal Daughter

Yesterday I spoke of becoming the prodigal daughter.. how it wasn't one large leap of wickedness but rather a slow slide down that ever slippery slope. Today I want to talk about the fact that while I admit to this travesty.. that I admit to such acts of sin.. I do not have to dwell on them. I can confess my sins and relieved of the burden. That is one of God's most enduring graces..

All I had to do was confess my sin.. and God lifts the burden of my sins from me..

He tells us this in His book

1 John 1:8-9

New International Version (NIV)

 ⁸ If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. ⁹ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

 Is that not just so grand? Now don't get me wrong this is not a license to sin.. rather a license to be forgiven our sins.. If we confess our sins.. that means if I confess my sins.. admit to fault God will forgive me.. Now when we confess our sins, our wrong doings, most of us do so with the intention of never doing so again. If we flippantly apologize with every intent to resume our actions then we are not sincere.. 


Now there are times when we repeat our offenses, over and over again.. is that the same? No, I don't believe so.. it's a habit and habits can be broken, behavior can be changed.. With God's Grace.. 


It is a day by day struggle.. no different than any other addiction.. and yes such behavior needs to be confessed, daily, hourly, however often you need to confess.. but with each confession the prayer for strength and guidance should also follow..


I am a sinner, I stumble I fall.. and I rejoice that God in His Grace forgives me such behavior..


Shauni

When Did I Become the Prodigal Daughter?

This is a blog long time in coming and one I have taken great pains on. 

I spent my entire life being the good girl.. Honestly, my teenage years were a parent's dream. Aside from an unreasonable fear of my parents (who never did anything to cause it) I was a parent's dream. I came home when I said I would, I did my homework, I went to and was active in church, girl scouts and school. Shoot I even went to a Private Protestant High School by choice.. yes I was the good girl. I had a strong faith and an even stronger support system. When I stumbled I was wise enough to go to people who were there for me. AND I was truly happy.. no doubts, no questions, no secret desire to become the wild child.

AND YET....

Over time my fortress fell.. I changed churches, moved, created a new life.. and in doing so I slowly sowed the seeds of my own destruction. Oh don't get me wrong I always believed in God.. but so do many non Christians.. I had become the worst of the worst a "social" Christian.. A Do Gooder with no anchor.

I stopped Daily Devotions I was too busy

I married unwisely and then followed so many of his questionable Christian beliefs.. instead of following my own convictions.

I went to a church that didn't support my convictions.. I won't critisize the church as I met plenty of God Fearing Christians who were devoted to God's work while there, but it wasn't the right fit for me.

I left that church and didn't fill the space with another

I floundered.. made excuses for lies and deceit

I got involved in some questionable websites w/some questionable people (nothing illegal just questionable)

I stole.. yes I actually stole things little things, shoplifting things that fit in my pocket but seriously for a girl who let the petty theft of a package of M&M's made as a child eat at her for years until she went back and paid for it as a teenager.. this was huge.. and it doesn't matter.. stealing is stealing..

Do you see the slow decline? Oh this didn't happen all at once I would say it happened over 20 years or so. Then one day I woke up and realized I was no longer walking in God's Grace.. I had become the Prodigal Child.. I had walked away from my heavenly father.. WOW..what a powerful conviction.. I was almost thrown to my knees.. and still I didn't rush back to Our Father and beg forgiveness.. no I considered it.. I worked around it.. and eventually I excused it. I oh yeah.. this is good.. I COMPARTMENTALIZED my life..

Yes I recognized my sin but had yet to address it.. It was hard for me to let go.. to un compartmentalize my life..  it still is..

I am happy to say I returned to Our Father's house.. oh it is still a daily struggle to remain the "good child" I haven't found that support system that anchored me in my earlier life. I struggle with daily devotions.. I know how can one not want to speak with God? I speak, I talk to God all the time, tell Him my thoughts and feelings, what is going on in my life.. what I fail to do on a regular basis is LISTEN!! And that is where the trouble always starts..

I am working on finding that support base I know Daily Devotions should be first.. but to me they seem almost intertwined. It's like AA.. yes quitting drinking is important but having a place where you can go and share your thoughts and feelings about quitting drinking helps.. I know how dare I compare my support base.. aka, my church of choice, to AA.. but to me the similarities are there so go with it..

I don't know if it was actually finally time to write this post.. but I was compelled.. so I think.. this was me finally LISTENING to what God has instructed.. I am halfway there.. well, I took my first foot steps and am on the path.

Hope this post finds a place in someone's heart.. it came from mine