Head in the Sand Faith

Sometimes it feels like I am practicing head in the sand faith.. You know, just hide your head in the sand and God will take away everything. Yeah.. That's not what faith is about. 

First off, I don't want to practice my faith, I want to LIVE it. I fail, every single solitary day. Honestly, I don't even practice, let alone live it. I hide it in the sand!!

Life is going along ok, then starts getting rocky, then starts getting bad.. Then I start hiding all my problems in the sand.. I ignore them.. Then I get desperate and what do I do? Yep, you got it.. I call on God.. 

Then I walk this stupid line of guilt and need. I haven't been faithful to God, I haven't lived my life to His glory. I have totally messed it up. Then when it gets so bad I can't fix it.. what do I do? I call out to God for help. Then I feel guilty, why? Because I have not honored my previous promises.. Yet God ALWAYS honors His.

I am so lost.. I would like to say I am confused.. baffled, bemused and confused.. but that isn't the case! I close my eyes to my bad choices then let God bail me out.. I live in fear, constantly. I need to break this cycle. I need to stop being the prodigal child and start being the child that stands by her Father. Be there first!

I think I started on that goal today. I think I am working towards a proper faith. Today, this is my goal.. yet I fear that tomorrow I will once again fail.

Shauni