Friday, September 13, 2013

Answer Me When I Call

Psalm 4 ((ESV)) 

Answer Me When I Call

 4 Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have given me relief when I was in distress. Be gracious to me and hear my prayer! 
2 O men,how long shall my honor be turned into shame? How long will you love vain words and seek after lies? 
 3 But know that the Lord has set apart the godly for himself; the Lord hears when I call to him. 
4 Be angry,and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent. 
 5 Offer right sacrifices, and put your trust in the Lord. 
6 There are many who say, “Who will show us some good? Lift up the light of your face upon us, O Lord!” 
7 You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound. 
8 In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

As a single parent there were many many times when I would turn out the lights, and my mind would just start racing. No sleep for me! There was so much riding on me, so much I could do wrong, no one to lean on.. I was alone and afraid. During the day, I could just force myself to take one step at a time.. but at night when there was no sound.. yeah, much harder.

I of course figured out a way to quiet the voices.. I slept with the TV and lights on.. Sure chased the voices away but also made sure I didn't get any rem sleep for years. I became totally and completely exhausted. In many ways this helped lead to my breakdown. No real sleep.

What I should have done was turn those problems and issues over to God.. He would have given me the relief I so desperately needed. I might have still heard voices in my head but they would have been the comforting prayers to my God.. 

I could have had spent those hours rejoicing rather than fretting.. I can not change the past but I can change the future.. I can take those precious moments before I fall asleep and spend them with God.. Offering my fears and failures up to Him. They won't go away, they will just be easier to bear.. 


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