Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
So this is supposed to be my blog about my faith and what is going on in my spiritual life. The thing is because it can be so deeply personal, I often ignore this blog. .. There is also the fact that I tend to act like I have a clue.. and face it, I wrote the book on cluelessness.. Or at least one of them.
I often feel like a pretender on this blog. Like I am acting like I have this great relationship with God and yet it totally sucks. Mostly because I doubt. I doubt everything.. and I get so envious of those who seem to be able to stand up for their faith. To say this is who I am.. I am who I am because I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
It's hard to explain my ability to compartmentalize. Sometimes that has served me well in life... but it is a double edge sword because I can compartmentalize my faith. Keep it hidden, keep it safe.. Protect it. And yet by doing that I diminish it. The flame grows ever weaker.. the promise ever farther away..
Faith, like love, grows in power when we share it. I believe.. and I will BELIEVE more if I share my belief with others. Does that make sense? Faith is not a crutch, although many still insist that it is. It is hard to live a Christ Like life.. incredibly hard. Christ was perfect.. do we understand what that means?? It means he didn't make a single solitary mistake.. EVER.. he didn't lie to the bill collector.. he didn't manipulate his friends. He always stood accountable for his actions.. Shoot, he stood accountable for ours. And yet, society insists on saying Christianity is a crutch.. Lumping Christianity in with all the coo coo religions out there (and yes I differentiate, Christianity is NOT a religion)
Today there is no rhyme nor reason.. nor overall theme to my post. Just my rambling thoughts. I want to just believe.. I want to ease my doubts.. I want, I want.. maybe a little less I want and a little more God Wants in my life would do me some good..